Amanda's Recovery Story

I have been overweight all my life, hearing from my family, “it’s genetic” or “Amanda, you’re just big boned”. I never thought being a normal weight would be achievable. Through my 20’s, I would fluctuate between 220 and 240lbs—losing and then regaining the same 20 pounds. In my 30’s my weight began to climb and I reached my highest weight of 330 pounds. My life and health were completely out of control. I was in a deep depression, got a blood clot, and had to sleep with an apnea machine. I did not think I had any other options and made the decision to have Gastric Sleeve surgery.

After my surgery in January 2019, I followed a low sugar food plan and weighed and measured my food losing a total of 140 pounds. Then on my 39th Birthday,  I had a piece of cake; the first real sweet since my surgery. Over the next 2.5 years I gained 70 pounds, binging nightly on cookies, candy and anything sweet. I could not understand how if I had more than half my stomach removed I could still eat almost an entire container of cookies in one sitting. I found COR one evening when, after my latest binge, I decided to google “food addiction”.

I entered the doors of COR in July 2022 with no knowledge or experience with the 12 steps. In my own way I had already completed steps 1 and 2. I knew I was powerless over food and my life was unmanageable. I also knew I alone could not restore myself to sanity. Describing myself as a compulsive overeater resonated with me. In the evening, which was my primary binge time, my eating felt like a compulsion. The definition of compulsive is an irresistible urge, especially one that is against one’s conscious wishes. Even though I did not want to walk down to my kitchen for another evening snack I felt a compulsion to do so and if I didn’t eat more, I was uncomfortable and anxious.

Since COR, I have attended ENCOR in October 2022 and July 2023. Attending ENCOR supports me in continuing to work through the 12 Steps, keeping my program intact. Since July 2022, I have released over 110lbs. What I find even more rewarding than the weight loss is improvement in my personal relationships with my spouse, family, and friends. No longer do I harbor ill feelings from the past. When I am wrong or quick to anger, I promptly apologize and explain my wrong. My brain is quiet, no longer fixated on the next binge or what I am going to eat. Making the decision to attend COR and accepting that I really am a compulsive overeater was not easy, but it was the best decision I ever made. Living life with neutrality around food is not hard if you do the work. I avoid giving my “addict brain” an opening to make excuses or justify not abstaining. I have a fridge full of abstinent meals and a freezer stocked with healthy prebaked breakfast loaves to get me through my work week. I am not one who enjoys cooking. Prior to COR I cooked only once a year on Thanksgiving. My husband took care of the rest. I now enjoy spending 2-4 hours each weekend food prepping. This helps me feel empowered. The mantras that help keep me on track are “Progress Not Perfection”, “Clear, Honest and Intentional”, “One Day at a time”, and “Not my Food”.  I have traveled for work, with family, and with my Husband all over and even to a different country while maintaining my abstinence. While following my food plan I was able to truly enjoy my time instead of focusing on what was next to eat. At age 42 I feel like my life is just beginning. I am excited to see what is ahead, my life free of excess food is the beginning!
 

About COR Retreat
COR Retreat is a residential retreat program that teaches a way to live free from the obsession with food through a 12 step program. COR Retreats are 5-day programs, scheduled each month at the McIver Center in Wayzata, MN.

Learn more about the COR Retreat Experience, and register online to attend an upcoming retreat.