Chris's Story of Recovery

In 2018, I couldn’t imagine going one day without eating all my favorite foods. Five years seemed like an eternity. But I knew I needed help and I wasn’t willing to give up yet. On May 10th, 2018 I walked into the doors of COR at 505 pounds and scared for my life. I didn’t know what to expect.  I didn’t think I could change. I had lost hope but COR was my hail Mary. One last effort to make a change before I died of a heart attack or ended up in a wheelchair.

Walking through those doors changed my life forever.

I was always a big kid growing up. I learned early on that food meant peace and love. In my family, it was when we ate that all was well with the world – people would stop arguing, things would quiet down, and we could just be together as a family. It was really comforting. Food became the thing I turned to for comfort. Later, I added in alcohol, drugs, and anything else I could get my hands on because I was incredibly miserable and didn’t know how to fix it. Spiritually sick, afraid, resentful, ashamed, I went on like that for years. Drinking, smoking, drugging, eating, partying – just trying to find a little escape every day from the overwhelming self-hatred and fear that I had.

Thankfully my health got really bad. Yes I am thankful for that because that is what made me finally face reality. I ended up in the hospital with severe heart palpitations and I quit drinking that night.  But I kept on overeating. It wasn’t until I ballooned up to 505 pounds, was having severe chest pains, trouble breathing, and a million other problems, that I began to fear for my life. I had tried everything I knew to do and nothing stuck. I thought I was broken. I thought other people got to live healthy lives, but not me. I really thought there was something wrong with me.

Then I found OA and realized none of that was true. I just needed the right tools that I hadn’t found anywhere else. And most of all, I needed to surrender to a higher power. I needed to stop trying to be the smartest guy in the room and to listen to those who came before me instead. So I did. I got a sponsor, a nutritionist, got on a meal plan, started working the steps, and things started to change.

Five years later, I have lost almost 300 pounds and have kept it off. I can wear clothes I never thought possible. I can do things I never could do at 505 like ride comfortably in an airplane or fit into a seat at the theater. One of my favorite things that came out of recovery was moving to New York City. It has always been a dream of mine but I never thought it was possible when I was sick. Now, anything feels possible. And with recovery, I had the emotional and physical strength to sell all my stuff and move to New York City – all within a 3 month time span!

I’m thankful to be healthy and skinny. But most of all I am very thankful to have peace of mind and freedom from the obsession of food. I used to think about food all the time, and now I don’t think about it much. I still like to eat and I enjoy my abstinent meals, but my meal plan gives me freedom from thinking about food all day so I can spend that energy on the things that really matter.
 
And when I go for a walk in Central Park, I am always reminded about what a gift this life of recovery is. The life I never thought was possible for me was always there. I just had to take the first step. God took me the rest of the way and continues to do so. Every day. One day at a time.

About COR Retreat
COR Retreat is a residential retreat program that teaches a way to live free from the obsession with food through a 12 step program. COR Retreats are 5-day programs, scheduled each month at the McIver Center in Wayzata, MN.

Learn more about the COR Retreat Experience, and register online to attend an upcoming retreat.