Angel's Story of Recovery

I am Angel and I am a recovered compulsive overeater.

My story begins at 8 years old. Both of my parents were alcoholic, my father was cross-addicted to work and my mother struggled with bipolar disorder. As the oldest daughter of 3 I did a lot of mothering. Praise and continuous compliments of what a “good helper” I was taught me quickly how to be an enthusiastic people pleaser. Sweets were my reward for household chores and food became a faithful friend. Bakery items, candy bars and chips made me happy and were part of my pay for helping keep things together. I have a large extended family of Polish and German heritage so food was a big part of my growing up years. My cousins and I talk about our paternal grandmother, matriarch of the family telling us to “Eat, eat, eat!” I think she wanted our many mouths full so we stayed quiet. She  encouraged everyone to eat more and seemed offended if you did not fill up on her food. Her husband, my paternal grandfather died of gangrene which I now know was a serious complication of his diabetes. Back then, nobody talked about food addiction as a primary illness. There did not seem to be a solution to compulsive overeating and obesity.

Throughout middle school and high school, I ate out of boredom, loneliness, sadness and stress. Although I was young, I felt responsible for so much. As I grew older, got married and had my three sons I was not able to stop overeating. We are farmers, family life and hard work are important, wonderful, challenging. I was an emotional eater and a stress eater. Like most of us, and for as long as I can remember I tried every diet I heard of, even the Bible based ones. I struggled with my weight and if I lost any, I could never keep it off. I was a yo-yo dieter. I would give up and then try again.

In 2014, we lost our 18-year-old son Dillon to a bee sting. We did not know he was allergic. Numbing out with food became the only solution for me. Through the process of grief and over the next few years, our family became very active in advocating for increased awareness and wider access to epinephrine pens. This could save lives in emergency situations. Food became part of these gatherings and celebrations, something to look forward to, to ease stress and provide comfort. I knew my problem with food was getting worse. I was depressed and full of self-loathing. The cake I had put in the freezer for safe-keeping would call to me, I would buy half a dozen donuts, polish them off and hide the box, embarrassed that I had not saved any for my husband. I hid candy bar wrappers. I started looking for help. I Googled “food addiction” and “sugar addiction” and saw the COR website, which showed a food recovery program at a retreat center in Minnesota. I felt humbled when I brought it up to my husband and his response was, “Whatever you need to do for your health.”

Today and with God’s help I have 20 months of abstinence and maintain a 100-pound weight loss. I could not have done this alone. COR Retreat saved my life. Without recovery I know my future would mean serious health issues all related to obesity, food and sugar addiction. Abstinence has lifted the veil of “protection” that numbing out with food provided. I no longer need to overeat and stuff my feelings. I allow myself to feel. I am learning to ride the waves of grief and stay present for those I love around me. I have worked through all 12 Steps. With my extended COR family and God’s help, I am living as a “sober woman”. I am a sponsor. This service work is rewarding and a must if I want to keep what I have found. When you feel like you can’t…God can. Thinking that life will be perfect or easy when you get thinner is a myth. However, working through the 12 Steps and relying on God/Higher Power, you can and will be healthy, joyful and successful! 

You can learn more about Angel and her family's work on Epinephrine training and legislation at epifordilly.com

About COR Retreat
COR Retreat is a residential retreat program that teaches a way to live free from the obsession with food through a 12 step program. COR Retreats are 5-day programs, scheduled each month at the McIver Center in Wayzata, MN.

Learn more about the COR Retreat Experience, and register online to attend an upcoming retreat.